July 20th 2004 - and EV DAY 2004
Mood:
not sure
Now Playing: *silence*
Topic: everything
I've been putting this off for a while and I want to get it out while the memories of it are still fresh.
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This experience started a while back, when I first discovered I liked evanescence, during a performance of a song that I can relate to - a song of sorrow, written by a band member, no longer associated with the band. It was Ben Moody's song, one people would associate with his departure in November due to the video, the scenery and the closeness between the time of the shoot and his actual departure from the band. It was "My Immortal" some time close to 11pm on the 12th of december.
Since then, a lot has changed. I no longer adore Anthony McNichol, my ex Anthropology T.A.. I have cut many times and have the scars and memories to prove it. I have had a few more nervous breakdowns. And most recently, I have thought of and tried to end my life.
I took pills in April, hoping somehow to numb the pain of being a useless cow according to my mother...but I now think it was all for attention. I took tylenol, advil, buckleys, some indigestion pills and sleeping pills. I cut again and again without flinching and somehow - still had hope. I told my mother after being on the phone with my best friend and being abandonned. She'd told her mother, and her mother was pissed. And "she had homework to do". To the Lakeshore Hospital we went and somehow, my mother shut up - she was now worried. I was to have my stomack pumped, or an IV or something. It took about 15 minutes for us to be let in to see a nurse. She got me to change and into a bed. And then a salene drip to get rid of the intensity of what I'd taken. I had a urine test and a blood test. The IV didn't hurt. My mom had to leave after about an hour and a half, she had work the next day. I was there, alone for a night. Pressing my cuts against the metal bars of my bed when they got too hot. The next morning I went to see the psychiatrist. DR.LALA, a bitch I'd seen before. She made it worse, talking didn't help. I'd done what I'd done. I'd swallowed all my anti-depressants, and was still depressed. My mom picked me up at about 1pm and we have not spoken about it since. My dad gave me all I wanted for a week, and then - everything was normal again.
It was after this that I opened up on the evboard and saught refuge in Amy's lyrics. I also discovered Seether...whose lyrics helped me when I got angry. It was in May, when I asked for tickets to the concert. It took a bit of time and suddenly I had 2 tickets to go. I made plans with my best friend Natalie and we were set to go. It was my goal to lose weight before the concert, I guess as a way to feel better for myself. Not for anyone else, because I could only lose a certain amount before the concert. When I sat there with my ticket for the first time, I thought of how long I had to wait before that date was here. It took me until the beginning of june to finally begin my second try at the Atkins diet. But once I got it, I got it. For 5 weeks I dieted with relative ease, since I did nothing and saw no one. I became more active on the Evboard and rediscovered the seether board, with luck - because before the tour began, Seether's tour manager offered a chance for the experience of a lifetime.
SeetherSlave aka Edwin was offering for people to send an e-mail and be one of 20(plus one guest) to meet the band at a private meet and greet before or after their set. I was one of the 20 people who signed up for the montreal show. And was guarenteed a spot the night I signed up, because seether's T.M. wrote that night that anyone who had signed up before the time of his post was in. And so, I was in. From July 7th to July 19th was agony. Issues with my hearing popped up suddenly, it took too long for other stuff, I broke into tears with a friend I felt had abandonned me... Hearing about experiences and the happiness of other fans on both boards made me anxious about the day that I'd be the one experiencing my dreams and perhaps, meeting a band...
There was also the fact that I was to meet a fellow evboarder on the day of the concert. I had said when I got my tickets that I would bump her up, if I could. The only thing was that I could never get a hold of her and I didn't have her MSN. So I ran around trying to get a hold of her and it would take a day or 2 for her to respond, if indeed she did respond. I finally got her MSN address about 4 days before the concert and got pissed one night because she didn't respond to me, and it WAS 3 days before I was to bump her up. I sent her my cell number and told her that I'd try my best if she would try too.
Me and my mom spent the Saturday and Sunday doing a bit of shopping. And I got Natalie a gift for putting up with me this whole time. I got her the dog carebear (loyalty) and a bouquet of flowers (which she never took home) and a 10$ top from Suzy Shier (which thankfully fit her).
The night before...issues again. People were saying that they got the e-mail to meet seether the day of, and late the day of. Not to mention, Natalie was not paying attention when she read my e-mail to her a few months back which indicated to her that I wanted her to sleep over. And that we were to leave at 5AM the day of to get good spots. I'd been planning for the night before for a while. I was to have dinner with my mom and Natalie at Baton Rouge and cheat on the day of the concert... That and talking to Laura (Willows on Evboard) was what kept me from going insane on the 19th.
Finally after a lot of anticipation and minutes seeming like hours I got ready to go to dinner with my mom and friend. My mom made it seem like we forgot something so we could B line it back to my house to give Nat her gift. I started putting Nat's food and stuff away and was like - "Look at the dining room table...no keep going...go to the front of it..." and finally she got it and opened her gift. Which was in plain sight by the way.
We went to dinner and I ordered the Cheese dip and my chicken tenders salad. I really regret that one. I was supposed to have some desert, but I was too full. Nat had this soup and salad deal that I should have had. Or something closer to what I'd been eating for the past 5 weeks. On the way to the pharmaprix near my house I knew something was wrong.
I couldn't digest anything and felt sick. We only bought a few things at the pharmaprix and got wraps,olives,some provolone and meat for wraps from Metro. I begged my mom to rush home and I had my gas X ready to swallow a whole bunch of it. But I was wrong... it was mr. diaria commin up to play. I swear all my food went right through me. I didn't want to eat anything on the day of and thank god we had some pepto bismol at home. I actually gagged the first time I took it. We made the wraps for the next day and got our stuff pretty much settled so we could get ready fast. I felt sooo gross, I just got into something to sleep in and took the dirty sheet out of my bed for nat. Then I got a sheet for myself and went to lie down on the couch. I had told Natalie over the phone that it would be a pain to go get her at home and I didn't want to be rude if there was some other way. SO...she got my bed to myself and I felt sick, so I didn't want to have to climb out of the nook to get to the bathroom. Nat came and sat with me a little while and then went to sleep. I was falling asleep when she came down to see me, but after that...i was awake all night. The cafeine was like fire in my veins: I felt nausiated and upset and anoyed and anxious... I basically sortov rested all night and got up at 3:30am to take my shower. I went to check on Nat a few times during the night and told her that it was like having fire through my veins (she thought I was singing...lol).
Anyways, the shower was of little help, with the gas and puky feeling I had all night I did not want to eat. I got ready under my bed with nat in it and got my stuff semi packed. I got my camera, the tickets, and my pepto. Then I got Natalie out of bed and started drying my hair... I should have left it wet and done the messy look, since it ended up looking that way in the end. By the time we were both dressed (I kept going through shirts, and ended up wearing my black tanktop and maroon zip top with my jeans) it was close to 5AM. I went to see my dad after doing my makeup and was like,...um we're supposed to leave soon...and he had forgotten and got all mad at me for it. We had to wait for him to get the directions..which royally pissed me off. I got my napsack and nat got her tote and we started trying to figure out how to camouflage my camera. I took the sandwitches and my gummies and stuff and Nat took the water and her stuff. I brought my disclaimer II cd and picked up my cell phone which for some reason did not charge as it should have. We got our stuff and our flip flops for later, got our shoes on and by 5:30 we were out of the door. I said bye to Dakota and actually started getting excited for the show.
The ride down took about 25 minutes. The whole time we were pretty silent, I was daydreaming about meeting Seether, half worried about the e-mail because of Edwin's departure from tour which happened around the 10th of july and his father's death the day before our concert date (I didn't know at the time that the band was now running the meet and greets for the fans). When we got to the island where Parc Jean-Drapeau is situated we saw this guy and asked him whereabouts the concert area was, he didn't really know so we winged it. We went around and missed it.
Then we came back around and I saw the circle area I had seen when I went back in 1998 for the backstreet boys (pukes!!!). So me and Nat jump out of the car and try to figure out a place to meet my dad. He wanted us to meet him downtown instead of where he dropped us off and I told him we'd call him after the show. I started after Nat and we turned a corner to see all these blue fence thingys and maybe 5 people there. Nat went out to ask this "acceuil" guy in a red shirt and ask him if that is where we were to wait. He said yes and me and Natalie went to sit next to these two girls. There was one group of 4 people on the other side (it was wide) who were french. One girl had glasses and a black top with army pants, another girl had black hair with some blonde and a lot of studs on her belt and wristband. There was also a guy with them...nothing much to remark about him. And there was a younger girl, I'm guessing someone's sister or something. She seemed out of place. The two girls next to us were a matched pair. The first girl was mostly in black with black rubber bracelets and piercings *some of them stretched*, her friend was the willy wonka's chocolate candy store version, with pink and rainbow colored rubber bracelets. When we got there the two of them had their heads in their hands and didn't seem too happy or awake for that matter. Nat pulled out her navy and green blanket and we layed it on the floor. It seemed like the 6 people there were staring at us. It was weird.
We both sat down and I checked the time. This was when I realized that my battery was almost dead, even IF I had charged it all night, i was nervous and pissed because Steph (Scody on Evboard) was supposed to call me at 12 when she got there with her friends and aunt. So, I turned off my phone and left it to Nat and hers for any other incomming or outgoing calls. It was 6am and we had 6 hours before Stef was going to be anywhere near us. I had asked her to print out my e-mail for me for the meet and greet thing, since we had both written in for it. We had also been discussing a lot about when the it was and weather or not we were going to go. Because we didn't want to miss any of the sets and such...
Nobody else came until 6:30AM when 2 teenagers, both growing out their hair, "to be just like amy" came about. They sat down and were looking at me and Nat weird. I just wanted to smack them both. The whole time I was looking for a girl who said she'd be there early, but I never asked anyone if they were her.
There was also a couple who arived. The guy had glasses and looked like a goth lumberjack and his girlfriend is the official EV in montreal 2004, cheap ass grunge whore. She was wearing a beret and a jean jacket that had seen way too many swingers clubs, with a belly bearing shirt. The official title for her was the cheap ass grunge drug junkie whore from hell. Lets put it this way, she was wearing what Nat would never wear and she did NOT have the shape to be wearing that shit. Natalie actually thought she was pregnant, and we refered to her in that way for the entire day. But in reality, she was just flabby. And I can say that, because I am flabby, but unlike her, I know how to dress.
This is when I went to lala land for an hour and Natalie slept for an hour. So we were up to 8am approximately. The sun is going up and more and more people are arriving. This group of 2 arrives and sits at the front of the line (just a LITTLE rude) and I look in the direction of Grungio bitch and she's like, "beh, regarde moi pas d'meme..." when I was fuckin squinting because of the sun in my eyes. That is when I made her my make fun of person of the day. After all, her and her boytoy were trying without success to make fun of me. I mean "eh, elle est ben grosse" is a bit old. In fact, it's extremely old.
Nat kept guetting up to go to the bathroom. I think by then she'd been about 3 times (lol). There were some more people who sat in the front of the line but a few of us gave them signals and evil looks until they moved. A short stubby chick went to the right place but stood for 30 minutes before sitting down. There was this girl who was alone and I felt bad. Didn't have the nerve to ask her to sit with us thow, and later people she was waiting for came. At about 9am they moved us back so they could set up the area to herd us into...
From 9 am to 11 am I was moving a lot. My ass was either somewhat exposed or numb. There was a hot guy sitting next to me and I didn't want to look stupid. Again, nat was back and forth from the bathroom due to periods and a weak bladder. People kept comming and I lost track of major people. Except those who really looked stupid.
There was this girl who looked like a munchkin on crack. She was sooo apple shaped I swear I thought she was a 50 year old man. And then there were these girls who came in dresses fron Guess and I lost it inside. Did someone scream rape me? I don't know. That was really stupid of them. Nat slept and read a little and I got uber bored. I kept checking the time and pondered if I should go to the bathroom.
I started feeling sick at 10:30. I had had one gummy and I think it started to throw me off. I started taking some more pepto bismol and praying that I didn't have diaria or puke. At 11 or 11:30 am I got Nat to come to the restroom with me and we got this guy with a Seether shirt to keep our stuff from everyone's graps. I hardly had to go, but I forced myself to, or else I would have had to leave in the middle of the concert. It took 15 minutes and we both went into the men's. There was no toilet paper, but we were going to be filthy all day anyhow.
We came back and these two people (a couple) were in our spots. But the guy keeping an eye on our stuff got them to move, yeah, we were "with" him. But before you knew it this girl and her friend shoved their way into the spots I was holding for me and nat because nat was on her ass reading.
There was a girl that I kept being bumped into who bought her tickets on the day of the show with her two friends, or was it three. I can't remember. But I got evil looks from her too. And I remember seeing her earlier and being like omg Junella flubber. Because she had her stomack. And her friend seemed sickly and anorexic to me. Really unapealing. And these guys who seemed like metal heads, one of them looked like the "jezus dude" from Abbott.
Anyways... i can't remember everyone. We tried logging onto the net with Nat's phone and it didn't work. So we called her mom, I had to give directions for her to check my e-mail for me...the e-mail had not been sent.
I turned my phone on at 12:00 and literally at 12:01 Stef called me. She said that the e-mail was not sent and I told her I knew... and she said she was at the box office/billeterie asking some guy about it. She said she would call me back but after 15 minutes of waiting I got Nat to go and scream Stef like a madwoman to find her and her friends + aunt.
She got them and it was awkward at first. She was with her aunt Terry and friends Hannah and Acacia. Hannah was giving me this weird vibe for a while. My shirt kept falling down and instead of saying something she gave a look at my boobs and then gave Stef a look, as if I could not see her doing it. I decided to ignore her for a while. If she could not be happy with who I was and the fact I bumped her up...then screw her. Me and Terry talked a little, and she asked if we were in the same class. I was like um no, online...evboard. I mean do I really look 13? I'm fuckin 20! Anyways, Natalie, Hannah and Stef went to the bathroom and went to get something to eat, in the meantime it was 1pm and they were about to move us.
And then they did. It was a frantic rush to get all of our bags and move up: and in the end we got pushed back. Me and Terry were trying to figure out how to get the tickets to Nat, Stef and Hannah and freaking out a little. But 10 minutes after moving up they found us and came in. Turns out the "acceuil" guy was not going to let them in, but then he did. For an hour and a bit we were crammed up against eachother like cows in the fuckin midday sun. People kept flinging water around and we all got soaked at least once. My bag was so heavy and I had it on at first. Then I took it off. The whole time these people behind us were talking about heavy metal shows and explaining stuff to people who were not from here or something. I felt like I was going to faint...and I was pissed off at security. They had not done the soundcheck in time and it was taking forever. Nat was munching on food and I didn't want any. I was stupid and stubborn and didn't take off my zip top. I should have. By the time it was 2pm people started shouting at security and asking what the fuck the problem was. I was one of them it was fuckin ridiculous. Nat started pocking Stef, which I found funny. Finally after making sure we knew where we all wanted to go, we started moving again. We had to run and with the sickness I felt from the day before and zig zagging to the bag check I got really naucious really fast and could not hold up the water I had drunk. And I puked...
I tried to hold it back, but I kept gagging and I finally let it go. There was a huge "wow" but I didn't care. I actually joked about it later.This is when Hannah suddenly took interest in the fact that I was a human being...not some huge titted freak. Nat told me to take off my zip top - I finally did after I remembered what my advice did for Willows.
SO... I took off my maroon top and tied it around my waist. And made sure everything was good with my camera with nat (I had made her roll it up in her cover earlier). Terry went before me, then I went and got searched. I was good. I half waited for nat to make sure my camera was ok and then we turned the corner to get to the stage. I thought for sure we would not find the girls, but as we got closer to the stage, we did finally find them. They kept spots for us right on the second barrier, behind the VIP area.
I put my stuff over the barrier and nat's as well until the security guard in front of us told us to not put it there (JERK!!!, jk). It was awkward having the bags there and all. And I slowly shoved it to either side of my feet.
I removed my adidas shoes and put on my flip flops to see if the pain that started during the 1hour waiting like cows would go away... but it only did when the concert was really on. Adrenaline I guess. Terry brought out the umbrella she had to make some shade. I was still kinda tipsy-ish and bruning. Nat brought out the Hawaiian tropic stuff and sprayed everyone. We were drinking a lot of water and alternating between who could be under the umbrella.
The concert was late, finally at 4 or so the first band came up. They were called prototype-A and they were pretty good. During their set Terry got us the passes to meet seether, we were excited...anyways...They are from montreal and the singer had a bit of an accent which made me think of Celine Dion a lot, but otherwise pretty good. I was ok for the set, but afterwards when they took 15 minutes to set up Simon Wilcox, I had to go sit down. I wanted to go back afterwards but Nat made me take my stuff to go lie down in the back.
Me, terry and nat went towards where there were less people and put down some covers so we could sit. I'm glad I did that because it did me a lot of good. I lay down and used the umbrella for shade.
Just listened (not seeing) Simon Wilcox, the Threws and Breaking Benjamin: the only one I regret is breaking benjamin. At the end-ish of the BB set Terry who had been talking to the Radio Energie guy came and got me and we went to wait near the backstage barricades to meet Seether/Stef, Hannah and Acacia joined us. I tried to stay calm but my legs began to shake...lol. And this hot guy from Radio Energie starts putting these VIP wristbands on us...only drawback is he saw my scars and wanted my other wrist - :(...oh well. Where was i:
It's like I've always said... I get nervous at first and then I'm too normal.
And then from afar we see Shaun and Dale doing an interview with Anne-Marie Withenshaw and I took a picture.
We took a group picture as well.
Then the Energie guy comes out takes a picture of everyone meeting the band and tells us to wait a bit.
A few minutes later we go out by the busses with Shaun and Dale still talking to the Withenshaw chick. Stef and Hannah were freaking out because they love Dale, Acacia was just in shock. Dale and Shaun go back into their bus and I thought this was kindov weird because their set was soon.
So, we're waiting, and then all of a sudden the window is open in the seether bus, right behind us. They're listening to music and then - Shaun sticks his ass out of the window. I laughed and went to see Acacia. I bring her closer to the window and she practically yells that Dale is hot! and the window is open - it made me laugh. We take pictures of our groups that were to take pictures with the band, each that is.
Me and Nat got our picture taken by the hot Radio Energie guy:
Then, Ev comes out. Probably every swearword I know of crossed my mind at this point. I had nothing for them to sign. I finally settled on my dirty ass wallet. And before I knew it Amy was infront of me. Then Energie people took their picture - with Shaun sticking his ass out once more...it made Amy soooo mad. "JERK!!!" it was hillarious. We then took our pic and it was over.
I told Nat to get my bag - she didn't - so security got it for me. We waited for Stef and them and we were going to get something to eat, but the seether got on, and our nifty new vip passes came in hand.
Seether Rocked! I turned to see what was going on and they had already bolted. All I saw was Shaun's image with a cigarette in his mouth. Damn sexy, but I didn't get a picture of it since running was out of the question for me. I walked (fast!!!) and got into the VIP section right after the girls.
By the time we got there they were starting Gasoline. I almost had a seizure or died or something. Shaun was doing this evil eye crazy ass thing and it was so hot. I'm mostly happy for Ames having him as a boyfriend, but at that moment, all I wanted to do was rape the fuckin hot ass bastard. And we landed ourselves right in front of Dale. We had a cutesy moment, Hannah gave up her spot for Stef, who was extatic about it and almost cried I'm sure. I ended up nudging this girl out of the way and got a spot right next to her. Which made me happy.
I took a picture of Shaun first, because he was acting nuts and I was sooo in awe of his hawtness...lol I was kinda being careful, not totally though.
Seether played all my faves. They played some new songs that blew my fuckin head off...and then Dale stared at me for maybe 15 seconds.
Me: Oh he's soooo hawt...
Me after 15 seconds: WTF stop staring at me...sorry if my tits are huge.
I managed to get a picture of Pat before this security guy came over and pointed "NO...i's picture with camera that is 3x the size of my brain and cock combined" I hate security!
When Amy came out for broken I decided to try again. I got one somewhat ok picture:
And then I just enjoyed the rest of the Seether set.
3gd rocked as well...but I didn't take any pictures. I just tried to enjoy it as I could.
Ev Rocked...as always! Amy sounded better than on the record...as always. They played the usual songs and some covers. And "Breathe No More..." which is an amazing song. There was this melancholic background singing as Amy was to come in. I was taking pictures and got warned again.
And, I wanted one more shot and they came to take the camera from Nat, who was going to take it for me. They took MY CARD. Give me a break. That card cost 150$ or some shit like that. I talked to the security guard with the mic and told him..."I only wanted one more". He gave me the whole bullshit about it being illegal and gave me no room to manuver. Then he just backed off without letting me finish. I swear I see that guy again I'm castrating him with a pair of old rusty scizors that have a bag hinge so that I have to gauge them out. K, I know you're being payed to be an ass, but that was just too much!
So I waved over the guy who warned me twice, with the gilligan's hat and I said I only wanted one more, that it was not my card or my camera,that it had my pictures from the meet and greet on there,and then: "I'll leave if I can just have my card back" and so the guy goes and talks to Vinny. And within 5 seconds he is in front of me telling me to put it in my pocket and not to put it in my camera. So I did. I didn't try for any more pictures. It wasn't worth it. Imaginary was the last song before the encore (whisper) I adored it live...better than the last time when I didn't know any songs.
After the show ended, we had to wait a bit because there were so many people trying to get out of the VIP section. It took a few minutes. We sat down and tried to figure out if there was anywhere that was still open so we could maybe eat. I had only eaten a gummy and half a wrap during the day so I was open to it.
We then get up and go by the backstage barrier to try and see if there was the guy from Energie Radio there so we could ask if we could try to meet seether now, but they were shooing us out and we could not find the guy.
*We only found out later that people met the band during the Ev set...*
We're walking towards the gates and I hear Mario who was also going to the concert yelling at me and Nat. We meet half was and he's all excited being like oh it was fun and me and Nat look at eachother. I'm like yeah we had fun...we got vip passes and met ev. He was shocked...and jealous I assume. I brought out my cam and showed him the picture and he couldn't believe it. His friend Mark was there and he asked if there was someone to call to get those, like a radio station - Nat was like HAHAHA, NO!...that was for the VIP passes. And they gave like 20 of those away. Mario asked me to send him the picture, which I still have not done. Oh wells...I'll do it soon enough.
Me and Nat and the gang of girls headed down to the walkway near the metro, they bought shirts and we soon split. I got some coke and me and nat headed to the circle. Where we called my dad and waited.
This...was the best part of my day, I had a wrap. And we had half our coke when these french guys came over and asked for a sip. I gave them the rest of it...I tried telling them in english but they got confused. And I just gave it to them, Idk where they've been! LOL. After I heard them bitching about me talking in English but I didn't give a fuck. Next thing I know Nat points out that "pregnant girl" is on the other side of the circle...I wanted to laugh. They were talking about us it was obvious! But in my head I was like: "I met ev today, something you probably want to do, but probably never will"
And then we got picked up as the busses were moving out...and that is...
THE END
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Since then:
I have not received the pictures from Radio Energie, probably because there was not enough space in my account. But Acacia got it and I will eventually get them ALL. Stef sent me some of them but I'd like to see them all. Well have them all that is. AND I e-mailed the webmaster at Radio Energie, so I should get them sometime sooner or later.
Within a few days of the concerts in Canada people were already planning to go to the Little Rock, AR concert : where the band originated. SO...I wanted in. I started planning with Willows and people in Tdot. I went out to get my passport application so I'd have it by the 10th...Went to the passport office. When my dad said he could not drive, I went to get train info. It was not until yesterday at 5:30 that he said NO! because of money...I got soooo pissed off. He was playing me like a fiddle. I even may have offended Tanya because of that shit! Anyways - I pigged out because of that. And spent about 2 hours discussing ways to trick my dad into letting me go.
As of now... I have been told yes to go to Toronto during the week and a bit when the original plans were slated. And Laura *knock on wood* would come get me in MTL on the tuesday night...we'd leave the wednesday...then on the friday off to LR...and then I have a week with her.
Idk why, but I'm scared it will be like diana all over again (knock on wood)...
Oh well, we'll have to wait and see
LUV VA
Posted by heartagram-melissa
at 10:38 PM EDT
Updated: Friday, 30 July 2004 1:52 AM EDT
don't ask
irritated
d'oh